The other day I started reading Desire: The Tantric Path to Awakening by Daniel Odier. I don't have it with me right now, so I can't quote it, but it's been giving me crazy-wisdom dreams. There are a few things I'd like to write about it.
- Frank (not the cadaver) vs me in our approaches to life and meditation: Frank is the Zen type, I am the Shambhala type.
- Me as a vector/figure for awakening the senses.
-Ralu saying some of the most interesting relationships are short lived, like the person on the dance floor at jackie 60.
- My troubles and discomfort don't come from the fact that life isn't how I want it to be deep in my heart. They come from the fact that life is that way, but I'm not allowing myself to fully recognize it.

After reading an article in which Lady Gaga said "I want to strap a penis onto my vagina" or something like that, I dreamed that Hugh and I were dancing in a kitchen somewhere and he whispered in my ear, "I've been thinking about it." I said, "You should go for it!" So he had this surgery done where he had a tiny vagina opened into his perineum.

Then last night I dreamed I was on a bed with a sister figure from my childhood, her baby who was around the age of 8 months or so, and a man who was the husband of some other woman. In the middle of the night I was awakened (in my dream) as if called by a higher purpose, and I very directly and without a single moment of nervous faltering, initiated what can only be called an orgy between us three adults. This was intermixed with some of the most intense and deeply satisfying baby cooing and cuddling I have ever experienced, and though the sensual directness and joy of these moments were very connected and unified, there was a clear delineation between the interactions with the adults and those with the baby. In the morning of my dream, society set in and was very angry with me for having sex with a married man. The era became the 1800's and I was in a small coastal Canadian town. The townspeople were setting out to lynch me and I was on the lam. I was also fluidly switching between being a man and being a woman as I ran and hid from the mob.