Last Tango in Paris

"What's that?"
"That? That's your happiness and my hap-penis."

This movie was The Shining of love stories.
And Catherine Breillat was in it!

Feeling Good - Nina Simone

"What is true of E. coli is true of the elephant."

Jaques Monod

"Dark is a way and light is a place,
Heaven that never was
Nor will be ever is always true"

Dylan Thomas



The director of The Road is a friend of Nick Cave.

The House of Cards

Confidence is the bliss that arises when I am ignorant of life's instability.
Arrogance is the performance I give when I am crippled by self-doubt.
Crippled, but not paralyzed.
Arrogance is the Fireworks of my self.
I gently place Doubt in her little rocking chair for a while. Then I hit the stage and dazzle the audience with my wild pirouettes, my hip gyrations and barefoot stomps.
Let me see that thong!
Doubt is my Daughter and I dance to support our small family. I can't imagine my life without her. I've made some sacrifices but our lives are full and good.
Regret is the child I chose not to have - she never came fully into being, but she comes to land on my finger every once in a while. She flutters her powdery wings and makes me feel sharp feelings. Then she goes and I move on with my life.
Then its just me and Doubt. We hold hands and walk around and around the duck pond. She looks cute in her little dress.
We go to a rocky place where there is no duck shit. I let go of her hand, we shed our clothes and jump into the clear water. First, the colors are vivid and exhilarating. Then, we climb up on the rocks for a picnic. My sweet little Doubt is by my side and everything feels peaceful, manageable, as it should be. Doubt asks me if its okay for her to jump in the water again. I say, "Of course, but just for a few minutes because the sun is going down and its getting chilly."
We jump in again and laugh and play until I decide its time to go home.
But Doubt isn't done playing. Her teeth are chattering and her perfect little lips are turning blue, but she still won't get out of the water.
What should I do?

"Doubt, remember our agreement?" She doesn't remember.

"Doubt, baby, please cooperate with me. I don't want to fight with you." She doesn't cooperate.

"Doubt, you have two choices. You can either come with me right now and we'll watch Rikki Tikki Tavi when we get home, or I can come over there and get you and you'll go straight to bed. Its your choice, Doubt. Which one is it?" She doesn't come quietly.

I wade over to my shivering little daughter and pick her up. She begins to kick and wail.
"I hate you!" she screams.

I know that in her mind, what the two of us should do is stay in the water forever. We would leave our real lives behind and become two silkies.

Sometimes I catch her daydreaming and I know she is under water. I tell myself that we aren't silkies, we would have drowned there, I was right to take her out of the water and go back to our safe home where we wouldn't get hurt or sick. But she gets that glint in her eyes and that urgency in her voice and she tugs at my hand. She is my little girl. She will always be a part of my life.

Commencement

Today I finished my postbaccalaureate career and will celebrate with dear Zoe and Leonard Cohen tonight. How soothing to my ruffled feathers, all jumbled by my weekend in Chişinău.

Innocence and Adventure

For Jophet

Living in an Abandoned Firehouse With You - Magnetic Fields

You're in your own little world
An expensive bird cage
Like a plastic baby
in a Faberge egg

I saw you today at the Cafe Blase
and thought of the nights when we had firefights

Nameless seaside ghost town...
That's where I go when I see the moon.
Living in an abandoned firehouse with you.

Take me out to the beach and I'll tell you my secret name
Take me under the sea and we'll derail trains
Let's run away into the caves
I still love you I still love you, baby.

Swept Away

On the yacht - freedom with the body, the rich show no restraint. The body of the female is on display, a spectacle that is unattainable to the working sailors. In the Italian economy, wealth is separated from the means of production. The wealthy men have all the power and a kind of counterfieit masculinity. The women accept/receive this masculinity because it comes with power and wealth, though it doesn't satisfy them because it isn't virile. In fact, it is feminized. The usurper of masculinity, the rich tyrant, is disturbing the natural order of things because he has only inheirited/received power. He never had to work for it - he received it like a pussy. He didn't take it with his bare hands, with violence, with Revolution. Worst of all, he is confusing the women because he himself is feminine, and true sexual passion must arise from difference - heterosexuality.

Clearly misguided and hysterical, Lanzetti was out of control. She was out of the control of her immasculated husband. Carunchiu rescued her from her gender confusion and took control of her with his bare hands, with violence, with Revolution. Only a real man with real skills, with rough hands who could fuck her so deep and also spear fish was capable of quieting her restless mind and telling her decidedly what her body was for.

On the island there is no separation of wealth from the means of production. Masculinity is virile again. But Carunchiu won't claim his prize immediately. He has been demonstrating his self control all along. With his restraint on the yacht while being forced to watch the cockteasing young wives sunbathe naked, he has been showing her how long he would be able to last. Every time he filled her with desire and then withheld himself from her he was telling her, "I will fuck you all night long, but only when the natural order of things is returned."

Lanzetti became accustomed to her new/ancient role. It brought out her natural beauty. It was the forces of Nature, after all, that brought them to the island. Nature was attempting to bring the system of gender and the economy back into balance. Carunchiu got his microscale Revolution. And when Lanzetti forgot her role, misspoke or acted out, she was swiftly punished - Finally, a man with authority! Someone who would set her straight, who would never let her become confused about her gender, ever again.

The Rabbit - God set Man on Earth to have Dominion over all living things. Lanzetti doesn't want Carunchiu to kill the rabbit, but she can't escape from the Laws of Nature. She knows he is an arbiter of Justice and she will be punished for transgression. He has to kill the rabbit so they two can live. Watching him flay the animal and skewer it through the ass, she cries. A woman must contend with/receive the devastating phallus. She is starting to realize that there can be no other way. She must be completely vulnerable to it even when it hurts. She is the Queen and she is the hunted animal. Her subjectivity is split like her genitalia. In order to eat, it is she who must be consumed. In order to survive, it is she who must be destroyed. At the moment when she truly comes to grips with her role, she tells him he is the Original Man, and she wishes she was a virgin for him. She asks him to "sodomize" her. But he accuses her of using middle-class words to trick and deceive him. He demands to know what "sodomize" means. This is the moment when we realize that Carunchiu's Revolution will fail. The Tyrant will keep his Queen and his throne. If she had fundamentally changed her allegiance, she would have said, "Do to me what you did to the rabbit."

Rosa Nilpferd has a Posse

Dear Friend, you are beloved!










and look who got back in touch with me just in time for your birthday!

Happy May Day!