I've been spending a lot of time listening to the "Slow Jams" mix my friend Lowy gave me, and I realized I'd be listening to the songs and then all of a sudden get these hurt feelings from seemingly harmless sex lyrics. Lines like, "that's what keeps me coming back to you" or "now's the time I feel like making dreams come true". Lyrics like these are in a different class from obviously annoying lyrics like "If I'd have known the girl next door would have been you..." or the mundane/fabulous R. Kelly lyrics like "Baby, don't bring your girlfriend to eat cause I'm gonna flirt." No, what was happening was more personal. I started thinking about it and I realized a lot of the songs on the mix are all about how amazing and transcendent and beautiful sex is. That should have made me happy, but instead it was bothering me. There I was in high school where every element of the relationship was destructive except for the tenderness of a few sacred moments during which my relevance could not be denied. Okay, he keeps running back to me for love, but he wouldn't have to keep running back if he didn't run away in the first place. Sex was the only place without insults, meanness, and misunderstandings, so it felt like the best, most connected blissful respite. That gentle moment doesn't last - other insecurities and distances set in. This is a dynamic I would like to resist, so these songs are pushing my buttons.

Anthony Hamilton's "Charlene" isn't an example of this - its just a lovely song.

It is pleasurable to spelunk in this way. There is a lot to sort through, but its not scary. Jophet reminds me of how important the moments of our unique subjectivity are.